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The Thoroughly Depressing Fate of Jar Jar Binks Finally Revealed

Undeniably the Poochie of the Star Wars Universe, Jar Jar Binks went from face of the franchise to poster boy for everything wrong with the prequels faster than you can say midi-chlorians. While there was a faction of boneheaded fans begging for his inclusion in the new Star Wars trilogy, most of us knew the character was better off dead. Well, it appears that Mr. Binks has actually suffered a fate worse than death in the new Star Wars canon, and it might actually depress you more than this interview with the actor who played him did.

According to Mashable, the new novel Star Wars Aftermath: Empire's End shows that the Gungan Senator and war hero lived out the end of his days as a clown. No, seriously. Stop laughing, it's terribly sad and depressing. The concluding book of a trilogy of stories set during the time between Return of the Jedi and The Force Awakens finds the character a mere shell of his former self...

One of these is an interlude set on the planet of Naboo. A refugee boy named Mapo encounters a Gungan performing for kids on the streets, clowning around in a fountain twice a day while being studiously avoided by the grown-ups.

"Meesa Jar Jar," says the clown when Mapo introduces himself. 

The clown distracts the orphan from his own sadness by popping his eyes and bulging his cheeks, but is hiding a sadness of his own.

"Jar Jar makin some uh-oh mistakens," the Gungan says, explaining why he isn't wanted anywhere either. "Desa hisen Naboo tink I help the uh-oh Empire." He stares into the distance, suggesting he knows more than he's saying. 

Jesus, I would have rather they just walk past his corpse rotting in the streets of Naboo. That would have been substantially less depressing. Hate him or loathe him, I think that even in our darkest hours, we never imagined a fate for Jar Jar this grim. 

Steve attanasie

Steve Attanasie

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